“We have a good relationship with my husband till now but things seem to be getting worst. I feel like he's tired of being with me. It seems he does not love me anymore. He no longer shows me any affection I feel more like a servant than his wife. I've tried talking to him but it usually ends with quarrels and him being angry and upset, which makes him shut down even more”- the experiences of lady married hardly 2 years ago.
“He has told me that he feels like we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. I just don't know what he wants. I try to suggest things to do together, but that normally doesn't work”. These are almost same experiences of another newlywed.
I am talking about relationship with life partner. Though understanding is must for any kind of relationship but married life relationship requires more attention because this is unique relationship to make a person’s life successful and meaningful. On the other hand this relationship can ruin the peace of mind and make the life hell.
When we are in love with someone before marriage, we simply think of the moment we are on a date. His or her look, way of talking, manners and dress etc. seem to be more attractive but we are generally hardly aware of his/her personal habits, his/her mind set and way of living with someone and above all his/her nature to adjust with any relationship. Man no longer can alter his basic nature though he can conceal it for some time. This is very much true in case of married life relationship. Success of this life depends on how much you can adjust with other person because your life partner is that person whom you have committed to share the rest of your life with.
Since no one individual is the same with another due to individual nature and nurture, it becomes more important for one to take that extra step to understand one’s partner. Though it is not an easy task to make adjustments with the life partner if they are adamant and do not have similar habits or nature, yet some easy, simple and proven suggestions can be followed to make married life more adjustable:
Share with your partner
The first suggestion is to share with your partner in his or her work. Talking may give mental satisfaction but for more mental and physical intimacy it is imperative to share and help your partner in his or her work. This is most effective tool to understand your partner very easily and to trace his or her happiness. Which lady will not enjoy the help and company of her husband in the kitchen? Soon your partner will also start sharing his/her life with you. By the passage of time, you may be able to understand a lot about your partner. Small sharing with your partner and see the big returns in relations?
Trust your partner
Marriage is the relationship based on trust. Trust is a natural and probably the most important ingredient in building an intimate relationship between husband and wife. Trust can be cultivated and nurtured if certain guidelines are followed. First of all develop the skill of being a good listener, which is one of the hardest skills to develop. Yes, this can be developed if you don't interrupt your spouse. This requires great discipline and control. The speaking partner implies indirectly that I am taking responsibility for the issue and shall not blame my spouse. The listener should be convinced. In relationship, one should take responsibility to express one’s needs and express them clearly and assertively.
When a person feels he or she is unable to express their needs to the other person, then this may lead to a break down in trust. So be positive and do not allow issues to go unresolved.
Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy. Be careful how you treat each other to make relations more strong and trustworthy.
Respect his/her feelings
This is very common cause of discord in family life. You may not like some habits of your partner or your partner may also have some complaint regarding your personal habits. Such type of prolonged situation may cause irritation to other partner and hence soreness in relations. If both the partners intend to improve the relations, this is not a big problem. Ask him/her about the cause of problem causing irritation. This may be discussed amicably and the changes in behaviours or habits can be improved substantially bringing your partner in confidence.
Talk to your partner
Every married person should have common understanding to read the mind set of each other whether he is discussing it with the other partner or not. Talking in such situation gives a better opportunity to start a dialogue to facilitate better connection between the two. Generally wife is expected to initiate such steps but husband should also not hesitate to start dialogue to maintain healthy relations. In this way, you can get a better response. Talking sometimes avoid misunderstanding between the partners and help in saving the relationship which otherwise could have spoiled. This is also a best tool to know what your partner likes or dislikes.
This is a sort of expression in silent without any verbal communication. Facial expressions and gesture are used to express the feelings-may it be disagreement or support. This may treated as a warning also that I dislike a particular decision or action. A wise partner will immediately understand the cause of this situation. Steps taken to improve the situation will definitely help to restore the relations.
I have already written regarding Divorce in my article. In recent years divorces are on increase due to lack of understanding between the partners. This is a serious threat to the institution of marriage. Understanding, patience to adjust, sense of sacrifice and tolerance is the key for a happy relations and blissful married life.
Horoscopes can help a lot for choosing the right person as a life partner. In Vedic Astrology, match making has been given high importance to avoid such incidence which may create problems in future married life relations. Venus, Mars and Jupiter are the deciding factors in this regard. Persons with beliefs and religious attitude generally face lesser problems in understanding the relationships.